Fall back guy

Yes. I admit it. You are my fall-back guy. I just realized that now. Whenever I feel lonely, I think of you. I think of texting you. I wish you would somehow text me. Even when I am at a happy point in my life, there are still moments when I think of you and wonder if you still care for me. If you still have feelings for me. If you still think about me.


I still think about you, you know. Even though it may not be that often, even if it's not because I like you too, still, I think about you. 


Sometimes I think about giving you another chance, of saying yes and trying to make happily ever after work with you. But then I hesitate, because I don't really know if I would like to spend forever looking into your eyes. I don't know if I would like to be the mother of your children, or that I would want you to be the father of mine. I don't know if it's really you that's destined for me.


Sure, being with you would be easy. You're a good guy, you would do anything for me, you would do your best to make me happy, and I know you would never hurt me. But could I do the same for you? Could I make you happy, half-heartedly? 


I am afraid to take the chance because I don't want to regret the decision, and I don't want to change what we already have. There's something between us that only you and I can understand. We may not be together or say aloud that we like each other, but when it's just us two, we're comfortable and relaxed. We know each other so well that we know if the other is lying, even if it's only through text. You're the only one I have this connection with, and I'm confused if this is a special friendship or something deeper than that.